I Like my Coffee Black
by analogwatch
Summary: Duo and Trowa live together, yay! Will the housewarming party ruin it? shounen-ai, implied yuri, rated PG-13 for language.
1. Pinball Machines and Billiard Tables

I Like My Coffee Black  
  
We(Karie-chan and I) co-authored this really late one night so don't mind the insanity. Um, we based it off a Sims game. hehehe ^^;; enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer -- We don't own jack. No, really, we don't, just ask him. ^__^  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Aaah! What a beautiful house!" Duo exclaimed, staring at the building in front of him.  
"Why am I moving in with you again?" Trowa asked setting down his bag.  
"Because we're an *item*, Trowa, you know that," Duo winked, holding up his two pointer fingers next to each other.  
"I know, but I had this really nice apartment in the city...why did we have  
to move so many miles away from my work?" Trowa questioned. "It couldn't be  
Anthrax could it?"  
Duo reached over, thwapping Trowa upside the head. "Baka. We needed a new place to live. If we need roomates, we'll have room now. Besides, you needed a new job. The whole clown thing was beginning to freak me out."  
"So you're moving us into a really white house. Which by the way, I hate that color. So I can get a job as a mail something or other and come down with Anthrax? I mean, you have a job as a sports mascot!" Trowa was rambling.  
"I'm looking for a new job, but the mascot job will have to do. Besides, I don't have to be at work until noon!" Duo looked extremely overjoyed at that last fact. "And since we have the whole house all to ourselves, we can put in a pinball machine or something!"  
"A pinball machine?" Trowa looked skeptical. "I mean, isn't there an arcade right down the street?"  
"Yeah, but if we get a pinball machine, we can play for free! And we don't have to get dressed, either." Duo unlocked the door, dumping his bag just inside the door. "Wow... it looks so empty! Hey, why isn't there a stove?"  
"Because you bought it without looking inside! And will you PLEASE clean up after yourself?!" Trowa cried picking up Duo's bag and carrying them to the bedroom. "DUO! There is ONE bed in here!!"  
"I know, isn't it great?" Duo asked, surveying the backyard. "Maybe we can put in a few pink flamingoes or something . . . "  
"Great? Where are you supposed to sleep than?" Trowa asked seriously.  
"With you, baka!" Duo exclaimed, shutting the door behind him. "We'll sleep on seperate sides, though. I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole." Duo winked, joking about the last part.  
"What do you mean you wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole?! I mean the bed is only 5 feet across and you sleep EVERYWHERE!" Trowa cried taking Duo's joke seriously. A little too much so.  
Duo laughed, slinging his arm around Trowa's shoulders. "Baka Tro-chan. I was kidding. Don't take jokes so seriously."  
"You...were...joking?" Trowa looked shocked.  
"Yes. Sarcasm is a wonderful thing, is it not?" Duo grinned. "Aww! The shower's only big enough for one! I mean... um... all the easier to clean! Yeah!"  
Trowa looked at Duo with an odd expression on his face. "What do you...I think I'm going to go shopping for some food now..." Trowa grabbed the keys the car that Duo owned, not very nice, and running out the door quickly.  
Duo laughed. "Wait for me, Tro-chan!"  
  
~After shopping~  
  
"I didn't know that they sold pinball machines at Grocery stores..." Trowa said blankly, staring at the new pinball machine next to their porch.  
Duo pulled back the plunger, launching the ball forward. "They don't. I special-ordered it. Isn't it great?!" He laughed, bumping his hip against the machine. "COME ON!! I need those points!"  
"You ordered it without asking me first?" Trowa asked angrily. "How..you lost! Give me a turn!"  
Duo frowned at the machine. "Nope, I've got two more balls left. Besides, it was supposed to be a surprise for you. THAT's why I didn't consult you first."  
". . . ." Trowa had nothing to say.  
"So happy housewarming, Tro-chan." Duo smiled, letting the final ball drop between the flippers. "Hope you enjoy your present."  
Trowa was no longer there, however. He, seeking the opportunity, had gone in to get some food.  
"Mou!" Duo cried, looking around him. "Oi, Tro-chan!" He peeked in a window, grinning. "Hehe, Tro-chan was hungry. Guess I'll join him."  
"Duo?" Trowa blinked with noodles hanging out of his mouth when Duo walked in the door. "Weren't you playing?"  
"No, I purposely lost so you could have a turn, oh impatient one." Duo grinned. "And when I told you happy housewarming, you weren't there. Not even patient enough for a present. Geez."  
"But I haven't eaten since last night.." Trowa got a 'why are you yelling at me because I didn't do it' look in his eyes.  
"Mou, Tro-chan, I wasn't yelling..." Duo sighed, hugging Trowa from behind. "I wouldn't yell at you. You should know that." He leaned around, kissing Trowa on the cheek. "Now, enjoy your food."  
Trowa blinked a couple of times then swallowed the chewed up noodles. "Are you sure you don't want anything?"  
"Yes. Remember, I ate just about every single free sample at the store. I'm not hungry right now." Duo grinned broadly.  
"So what weird job did you get me at the post office than?" Trowa questioned Duo.  
"A postal clerk. Meaning you get to sit at the desk. Talk to people. BE NICE." Duo chided lightly. "And don't act like Heero. If I hear one "omae o korosu" come out of your mouth I will kick you out on the street in the blink of an eye." Duo grinned. "Okay?"  
"Um...Duo? I put down half of the down payment on this thing..." Trowa told him.  
"So? I'll STILL kick you out. I don't want any more Heeros. One is plenty, thankyouverymuch." Duo still grinned, leaning against the wall. "So, whatcha eating?"  
"Bean noodles..." Trowa said looking at his bowl.  
"You know what goes good with bean noodles?" Duo asked, broadening his grin. "Coffee."  
"But...I thought you were coffee..you keep saying.." Trowa started.  
"Nevermind. Do you want anything to drink?" Duo asked, opening the refridgerator. "Soda... milk... water... juice... lotsa stuff. No alcohol, though." He sounded slightly disappointed.  
"Coffee?" Trowa looked at Duo's back expectantly.  
"Um, no. No coffee. We have coffee *beans*, though. Do you want me to make coffee?" Duo continued digging around.  
"Your ass is nice...I mean, yes that would be nice." Trowa choked when he realized what he'd said.  
Duo blushed, but stayed halfway into the fridge. "Do you want anything in your coffee?"  
"No..." Trowa began. "I'd like kuro kohii please..."  
Duo's blush grew redder and he could feel it spreading down his neck. "Are you sure you don't want anything? Milk? Sugar? Creamer?"  
"Umm...We wouldn't happen to have whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles would we?" Trowa asked.  
'Hentai!' Duo thought to himself. "Um... yeah, whipped cream here and I think the sprinkles are in the cabinet." 'Why on EARTH do we have sprinkles?!'  
"Great, I'll have black coffee, with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on top."  
Duo swore he could feel his chest growing hot. "Damnit, Trowa, you're being really really perverted tonight." Duo stood up, allowing the blush to become evident.  
"I'm not being perverted! I like whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles with my kuro kohii." Trowa said looking at Duo oddly. "And I don't want to make the coffee myself!"  
"Mou..." Duo sighed, reaching into a top cabinet for the coffee maker. "Damn, I can't reach it."  
Trowa sighed and set down his bowl, then got right behind Duo and reached up for the coffee maker. Setting the coffee maker on the counter he reached up again and grabbed the sprinkles.  
"Anou.... could you get the coffee, too?" Duo asked, not wanting Trowa to move. 'Hentai!' he thought again, but not aimed at Trowa.  
"Sure.." Trowa said guessing Duo's reason, considering that the coffee was well within the reach of Duo, but he grabbed it anyway.  
"Arigatou..." Duo whispered, turning around. "So... do you really want that coffee?"  
"Umm..Which coffee?" Trowa asked blinking at Duo.  
"Either one, take your pick." Duo smiled. "Both are really hot . . . "  
"I would like coffee choice number 2." Trowa looked at Duo, then laced his fingers behind Duo's neck.  
"Coffee choice number two, eh? He's a bit rowdy, if you catch my drift..." Duo murmured, starting to unbutton Trowa's shirt from the bottom up.  
"Does this mean I haven't been pleasing him?" Trowa asked. "You've made me feel bad now."  
"Of course you've been pleasing him. He's just a bit wild. That's all. I thought you knew that by now." Duo grinned slightly, finishing the set task.  
"Could you shut up for just one minute?" Trowa asked then pressed his lips against Duo, in not really a kiss, but close enough, type of thing.  
Duo moaned lightly, running his hands up Trowa's chest and over his shoulders, starting to pull the shirt off.  
The doorbell rings and Quatre just walked in. Then stood there...blinking. "Um... if this is a bad time, I can go..."  
Duo pointed at the table, then waved Quatre away.  
"Duo, quit being rude. We told him to come by here for the housewarming."  
Trowa scolded Duo quietly then turned to Quatre. "No, you didn't come at a bad time, I was just about to have some coffee..with whipped cream, and chocolate sprinkles."  
Quatre just arched a single slender eyebrow.  
"So anyway, welcome to our party." Duo said, running a hand through his bangs hurriedly and turning around to make the coffee. "You want some?"  
"Sure, Duo. Oh, and Trowa? You might want to put your shirt back on." Quatre chuckled.  
Trowa looked down then raised his arms letting his shirt fall back onto his chest. Buttoning it up quickly, while a pink tinge came to his face.  
"So, when are the others gonna come?" Duo asked, pushing the button on the coffee maker. "They're late. Either that or you're early. I dunno."  
"No one was supposed to be here for another..." Trowa paused to look at his wrist watch. "..half an hour." Trowa then cursed under his breath. 'I should have locked the doors!'  
Duo also swore under his breath. 'Damn Quatre and his punctuality!'  
"No this is not Maxwell and Barton's house, it's too nice, and they've owned it for more than 2 days." came Wufei's voice from the door.  
"Oh, nice greeting, Wu-man. I love you too." Duo called sarcastically. "Come on in."  
"You'd better not.." Trowa said warningly.  
"He was being sarcastic Barton, you should know that." Wufei smirked standing in the open door.  
"Did I ask you? NO!" Trowa snapped pulling down coffee cups.  
"Coffee's ready! I made enough for twenty cups since we're having company and all." Duo called, starting to divvy up the coffee.  
"Where is the whipped cream?" Trowa asked from the fridge now. "I can't find it!"  
Duo leaned into the fridge next to Trowa, and pulled it from behind the milk. "I hid it. Clever, huh?"  
"No! Because now the fridge isn't alphabetized!!" Trowa cried rearranging the entire fridge so he could put the whipped cream where it belonged.  
"Oh, dear. Duo, Trowa, do you need any help?" Quatre asked from the kitchen table.  
"Nope! We're good!" Duo called, still bent over in the fridge.  
"Duo...why did you buy a case of fine chocolate?" Trowa asked looking at the box of Godiva chocolate behind the milk. "I can't arrange this alphabetically if you buy something that could go under 2 letters!"  
"Just stick it with the chocolate. I thought you liked chocolate, anyway... so I bought it." Duo grinned, shoving it into what appeared to be the 'c' section.  
"Next you're going to tell me we have a billiard table on the back lawn! Right next to the garden." Trowa said shortly. Pulling the chocolate back out of the 's' section and putting it with the 'c' section.  
"Actually, Tro-chan..." Duo started, but trailed off.  
"You have a billiard table right next to the garden outside..did you know that?" Wufei asked walking back in from the patio.  
"No, I just guessed." Trowa snapped. "Where did you get all that money?"  
Duo shrugged. "It wasn't an expensive house... but we need to get better jobs pretty soon or else we won't be able to pay bills." Duo grinned weakly, standing up, but forgetting that he was still in the fridge. "Ow!"  
"Duo!" Trowa cried. "Are you okay?" Trowa stood up, missing the fridge, and began to check Duo's head for injury.  
"Oww.... yeah, I'm fine. Damn, that hurt!" Duo winced, rubbing the back of his head.  
"Might have knocked some sense into him.." Wufei muttered.  
"Shut up Wufei." Trowa ordered.  
"Fine..when does the party start?" Wufei asked.  
"When everyone shows up." Trowa said blankly back at him.  
  
~OWARI~  
  
  
Character Play:  
  
Erin-baka- Duo, Quatre  
Karie-chan- Trowa, Wufei  
  
Erin-baka: Confused about the coffee thing? That's because it's an inside joke. I (Erin-baka) like to walk around, claiming that I am Duo Maxwell, and I am black coffee. It would go like this: "Ore wa Duo Maxwell desu. Ore wa kuro kohii desu." People stare. It's fun. Anyway, that's why it got all ecchi.  
  
Oh yeah, Duo is coffee type II. (two. whatever.) Think about it. Duo, two, yeah. ^^;  
  
Karie-chan: Erin-baka?  
  
E: huh?  
  
K: Do you know anyone but me who puts whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on their kuro kohii?  
  
E: You're the only one. In fact, I didn't even know you did. I don't drink my coffee black anyway. I don't drink kuro kohii. I put lots and lots of milk and sugar into my kuro kohii and then it's not kuro anymore. It ends up looking more like shiro kohii.  
  
K: Maybe ecru?  
  
E: Yeah, ecru. The color of undyed linen. I've never seen undyed linen... I'm assuming it's kind of creamish.  
  
K: *shuts off the light* You glow in the dark...  
  
E: ... *ends the fic* 


	2. Cold Coffee and Duct Tape

I Like my Coffee Black -- Chapter 2!  
  
Insanity, yay ^____^ that's always good, hai?  
  
Disclaimer: We still don't own jack, but we're trying to marry him, at least ^_^  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Well... the only person missing is . . . " Duo was cut off as their front door promptly fell off its hinges.  
"Hn. Happy housewarming and all that shit." Heero called, standing where their front door used to be.  
". . ." Trowa glared.  
"Ooh, whatcha gonna do, Trowa? Stare me to death?" Heero taunted, grinning evilly while letting his hand hover over his pocket.  
"Hey, hey, no fighting!" Duo called, waving his arms.  
"Please, don't fight... not at the party!" Quatre was looking very meek from his place at the table.  
"Finally you find out that this party won't be so boring after all." Wufei commented.  
"Actually..." Trowa started. "Would you like some coffee?"  
Heero sneered. "I don't want coffee, thank you very much. He's all yours, anyway." His upper lip curled with the thought of it.  
"I was speaking about the liquid that is made from beans usually grown in Colombia in South America." Trowa stated drily.  
Duo just shook his head. "I can't believe you, Heero. Crashing my party -- literally, I might add! -- and then acting all jealous? I thought better of you. Do you want the stinking coffee, or what?"  
"No." Heero crossed his arms over his chest.  
"Would you like it if Maxwell put whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on top?" Wufei asked staring out the kitchen window. "That's what Barton was planning on doing with his coffee..."  
"Wufei, shut up." Trowa ordered turning around to pour the cups of coffee.  
Quatre blushed. "Wufei, you can be extremely ignorant at times . . . "  
"Omigod, Wufei! You can never keep your mouth shut!" Duo clapped his hands over his face in an attempt to hide his own crimson blush.  
Heero's hand shot to his pocket - obviously where his gun was stored - whilst glaring at Trowa.  
"Heero, keep your damn gun in your pocket." Trowa said without turning around.  
"Yuy, I didn't think you'd loose your cool over something as stupid as Maxwell." Wufei muttered taking a cup from the counter. "This coffee is actually good, I'm suprised I'm actually drinking it."  
"God, Heero, I would have thought you would have gotten --" He stopped, the insult Wufei had shot off finally sinking in. "HEY!"  
Heero shot Wufei a glare that could burn holes in a Gundam. "Shut up, Wufei, if you know what's good for you."  
"I'm a soldier, not a scientist, but didn't you just say that no one could stare another person to death, Yuy?" Wufei a slight smirk appearing on his face.  
"Duo-koi. Calm down, Wufei meant it as a gesture of friendship." Trowa said handing Duo his coffee. The cup he'd made for himself had whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on it.  
Duo sipped his coffee gingerly. "Mm-hmm. Suuuure."  
"Are you doubting what I just told you was true, koi?" Trowa asked raising a brow.  
"Yes . . . " Duo trailed off, staring at his coffee.  
Heero, who had been quite annoyed by the "koi" parts, leaned slightly forward in anticipation. Were they having a fight?!  
" . . . but only that part of it, Tro-chan. I wouldn't doubt you personally, not ever." Duo smiled sweetly at Trowa.  
"I didn't think you would, chou." Trowa ALMOST smiled back at Duo.  
"Barton, I came here for a party, not to see you two have a fuck-fest." Wufei snapped.  
Duo rolled his eyes. "We weren't going to. Not with you here, at least."  
Heero looked very very upset at the proposition of Duo and Trowa doing *it*.  
Quatre blinked. "But have you guys ever . . . " He blushed again. "Ever . . . you . . . you know . . . "  
"Perhaps . . ." Trowa trailed off. "Maybe..."  
" . . . ten . . . fifteen . . . I . . . I've lost count." Duo blinked in confusion.  
Heero was positively seething at this. You could have seen the steam coming out of his ears if you had looked close enough, but nobody really had the urge to do so, so they didn't see any.  
"Anyway, I invited Relena..." Trowa smirked at Heero.  
"Not that ugly broad." Wufei sneered at the thought.  
Duo made a face but quickly hid it by taking a long sip of his coffee. "So, when is she due to arrive?"  
"Oh, Relena! Someone I'll be able to talk to!" Quatre looked a bit happy at the thought but was slightly disgusted . . . somewhere . . . very, very, VERY deep inside.  
"Excuse me please, Hee-chan!" Relena said happily standing in the doorway.  
"Good afternoon Relena!" Trowa smiled a VERY fake smile.  
Heero twitched.  
Duo smirked. "Would you like some coffee, Relena?"  
"Of course coffee would be wonderful!" Relena sat down at the table right next to Quatre.  
"Hello, Miss Relena!" Quatre cheerily greeted her with a smile plastered across his face. It may be fake, we're not entirely sure.  
"Wonderful to see you Quatre!" Relena smiled showing off her orthodontist corrected pearly whites.  
"Here you are." Trowa handed Relena a cup of coffee in a gynormous cup, well it was gynormous to her cause she likes to drink coffee out of a wussy cup.  
Heero seemed to be backing up slowly, trying to leave before anyone noticed.  
"Heero, where are you going so quickly?" Duo asked, grinning cruelly. Heero was not going to leave, and he was going to make sure of it, even if he had to tape the Japanese boy to a chair.  
Hey . . . that wasn't a bad idea. The grin quickly grew.  
"The duct tape is in the top kitchen drawer, I placed it there before the party as an extra precaution." Trowa whispered into Duo's ear, making it look like he was whispering something ecchi instead.  
Duo's grin continued to grow, only adding to the latter suspicion. Quietly he whispered back, "You grab Heero and I'll tape him." He moved slowly to the drawer, sliding it open.  
Heero looked slightly afraid, but he didn't know why.  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHILE WE'RE STILL HERE?!" Wufei shouted. "It's bad enough that three of you are gay, bisexual, whatever the hell you are, and the other one is fruity! I am not staying here if you're all going to go at it!"  
Trowa set his coffee down and lunged forward grabbing Heero and dragging him to a chair. "Duo?"  
Duo raced to the chair, wrapping the tape around Heero's chest and arms, securing him to the chair. He cackled whilst bending down and taping his ankles to the chair's legs. "Should I tape down his hands, too?"  
"Sounds like a plan to me, Duo." Trowa smiled sadistically, this was the side that Duo brought out.  
"Oh, if that was all you were doing......." Wufei trailed off.  
"That was mean to do that to Hee-chan, he's only wearing his tanktop and shorts!" Relena cried.  
"Ah, shove it." Duo muttered, wrapping the tape around Heero's wrists behind the chair. Louder, he said, "But Heero won't resist you now, Relena! you've got him right where you want him!"  
"And if you want we'll even carry him to the bedroom..." Trowa smiled even wider.  
"Can I leave now?" Wufei asked. Duo pulled another strip of duct tape out and Wufei sat down on the recliner.  
"No thank you, as cute as Hee-chan is, I don't swing remotely his way..." Relena smiled back at Trowa.  
Duo blinked. "... What?"  
Quatre giggled. "You didn't know? Relena is a lesbian. It's SO obvious, she's going out with Dorothy and everything."  
Heero looked just a bit surprised from his taped perch. "But . . . but . . . she's stalking me! She can't be . . ."  
Duo shrugged. "Isn't that a relief, Heero? You don't have to worry about her anymore."  
"No I'll still stalk him, it's just a hobby. Dorothy loves it when I go after Heero cause she follows." Relena tilted her head and closed her eyes cutely.  
Heero gagged.  
"They taped your chest not your throat Yuy, get over it." Wufei rolled his eyes.  
"Relena...she's....Quatre! What have you been keeping from us?!" Trowa asked.  
"I thought you guys would be smart enough to figure it out on your own." Quatre smiled sweetly. "So, I didn't tell you about Relena."  
"You know..." Duo thought for a moment. "Now that you mention it, I did suspect something..."  
"No what ELSE have you been keeping from us?!" Trowa blinked a few times.  
"Nothing to the extent of my knowledge..." Quatre looked down at his forgotten coffee. "Darn. It's cold."  
"Would you like some more, I like cold coffee, the whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles down melt." Trowa offered. "That's why I have to wait, and add them when I first pour a cool cup."  
Duo coughed, averting his eyes.  
"Duo, I was talking about coffee..." Trowa said then snapped his mouth shut. "Nevermind."  
Quatre smirked a little. "Oh, yes, that's right. I'm bi. Just thought I'd tell you, since we're all parading out of the closet anyway." He smirked a little more. "Well, Wufei, looks like you're all alone now." He turned to Relena, grinning.  
"You want help carrying Heero out of here?"  
Heero looked slightly panicked. "No, no, no, Quatre, Heero doesn't want to leave. He's very very happy right here where he is. Yes, Heero is quite content."  
Duo chuckled. "Heero, speaking in the third person is the first sign of insanity."  
" . . . SO?!"  
"I'm sure that meant Heero would like a change of scenery.." Trowa said. "You guys can take the chair, Duo and I only need two anyway."  
"I'll be going with them...or rather at the same time as them I don't want to be in the same area as you four ever again..Relena is fine." Wufei stood to leave.  
"Quatre I think Trowa is right, let's go and show Dorothy what we caught." Relena stood up as well.  
"Yes, let's." Quatre, with Relena's help, grasped the chair and began dragging Heero to her pink car. (A/N: Pink, eew!!)  
Trowa shut the door after they all left.  
"Well that party sucked..."  
"Perhaps, but I enjoyed the pre-party. Maybe we could continue it in an after-party party? With just the two of us . . . ?"  
"Much agreed." Trowa began to strip Duo of everything.  
  
~Owari! *much... er... rejoicing follows* ... SHUT UP, YOU TWO!~  
  
Erin: o_O;;; writing this at two in the morning may have been a bad idea.  
  
Karie: . . .   
  
E: And on a caffeine rush . . .   
  
K: Caffeine? I haven't had much today...I didn't even drink a soda today...  
  
E: Not me, the only KIND of soda I drank today was Mountain Dew. Bad move XD  
  
K: But you're awake...well sort of...there was that one fall over onto the desk and drool thing..  
  
E: I did not drool. You know that. :P  
  
K: I do not! Okay, so maybe I do, but oh well, could we just go to sleep now?  
  
E: NUUU!!! Not until we get reviews. Please, please, review the story, I need sleep!  
  
~Owari for real XD~  
  
K: She lied...  
  
E: I did not. You made it untruthful. It was the truth when I typed it. But Nuuuu, you made it into a lie! YOU LIAR! I do not lie, not anymore, now that I'm trying to be more and more like Duo *^.^*  
  
~Owari for real this time...~  
  
~owari-owari, hai hai ^_^~ 


End file.
